My last writers group submission.....enjoy
I frequently stumble upon things in my life that force me to question my own sanity. Usually, I have the wherewithal in my work environment, which is insanity incarnate, to shove my dark schizophrenic like thoughts into a lock box deep in my mind where only the keys of extreme stress and anxiety let them out to play. You know your life isn’t normal when on a daily basis you are threatened with physical violence and with delightful questions such as, is there someone in charge of the milk that I could speak to? Just to clarify, I do not know anyone personally in charge of the milk.
When you are in the midst of insanity you do begin to question what is actual sanity. A few interesting choices or turns in my own life could very well lead me to question someone about the whereabouts of the milk authorities so I keep my guard up. I want to know the exact moment when I am about to go over the edge so there is a chance to intervene before I mentally snap.
My recent experiences at my very own chiropractor’s office have pushed the sanity line just a few inches closer to the cliff where I am left questioning whether or not smearing myself with feces and doing an ancient but sacred Indian ghost dance is an actual or potential future late night activity. At this particular moment in time I am surprisingly tempted but I am still hopeful that I will decide against any involvement with feces experimentation.
Here are my major questions? Is it normal for your chiropractor to cry before he adjusts you? Is it normal for your chiropractor to ask you to wander down a dark street alone while it is cold and rainy for 15 minutes to “think about life after adjustment?” Is it normal to be asked by the chiropractor to explain to a blond unidentified employee about one’s experiences witnessing electro shock therapy in a mental hospital? Is it normal to have a various assortment of young blond employees sit in the corner chair watching you get adjusted but then never have them introduce themselves? Is it normal to be asked one thousand and one times how one feels at any given point during the appointment? I have become a master of inventing different ways to express that I feel “good” because if I do not provide an adequate answer the chiropractor usually just stares at me with a half smile nodding his head waiting for descriptive eloquence to spew forth from my mouth. In the most desperate of circumstances I usually manage to squeak out a vague open-ended statement about my hopes of being the patient he has always dreamed of fixing. That at least seems to please him enough to allow me to leave. Is it normal to feel inadequate as you are asked to draw the same chiropractic diagram on the white board for at least the 5th time every single appointment? I never get the diagram right and the solemn and condescending tone instructing me makes me feel like a kid in the special needs classroom. Oh I’m sorry if I forgot the precious diagram because my brain is 90% full of more important facts that allow me to not hurt my patients. That is something I keep to myself as I compliantly redraw the diagram time and time again. I suspect I will draw the diagram in question at least 10 more times without a word of protest because I have to admit the adjustments feel wonderful.
Update: at my last appointment I watched a cartoon and about electrons, protons and neutrons then got a gold star for remembering what I learned. Application to chiropractic world still remains to be discovered.
But please I just need to know, is this normal?
